Friday, September 25, 2009
New Beginnings
For my next post, please click the title above, or use the link here: http://christwithinme.wordpress.com .
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A Tribute to Singleness
In less than three weeks, I will step into a radiant, white gown which represents the inauguration of what some may say is the most significant day of my life; I like to call it “the rest of my life”.
For the last eight years, I have pondered, and occasionally day-dreamed about what it would be like to “finally” get married. The face of the groom was always blank, of course, and I certainly was not one of those women who spent all her spare time as a single planning her wedding. Yet a significant part of my vision for my future included marriage and a family. Call me traditional, call me a woman, I have not escaped believing that marriage would be my lot for “the rest of my life.” And it's not abnormal, I think. Marriage is assumed as a child, questioned as a single, and promised as a betrothed—and I have not escaped this cycle. As I stand on the brink of my wedding day, I want to take the time to acknowledge the significance of my single life—lest I forget in the future and take it for granted that God has blessed me with marriage for my future, lest I forget to know how to encourage singles, some of whom may someday be my own children, as God blesses.
Perhaps a month or two before Mike and I began dating, I endeavored to pen the lessons I had learned as a single into a book. I talked openly about it. “I’m going to write a book about being a Christian single.” Was this youthful zeal? Or arrogance, thinking I had “learned all there was to know about surviving singlehood”? Perhaps. The “book” lies unfinished even now. Yet, God’s timing couldn’t have been more impeccable, bringing Mike into my life before I had a chance to even pen a chapter. I had learned what God wanted me to learn as a single. It was time to move on to a new chapter of life!
All the same, what I learned as a single was formative—and therefore noteworthy if only for this reason: who I was then as a single is in many ways still who I am today, now engaged, and almost married. Yes, I have changed, yes, single life is different from the life I’m living now, yes, there are ways I have grown since being a single, but the point is, my life is on a constant trajectory of growth, to which every season of life informs and contributes. This is perhaps the truth that finally dislodged marriage from its idolatrous pedestal in my heart and mind, making room in my heart for a healthier, godlier approach—just in time for Mike to enter center-stage. =)
So, what is it that I don’t want to forget about being single?
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:32, “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” How true this is! As a single, you have availability that truly serves and ministers to the married and those with families in the Body of Christ. I even feel that now in my wedding planning: “who are the singles who I know will have the time to help me out?”
But it is not just about serving. It is about relationships. As a single, you have an opportunity to get to know so many people in the Body of Christ, learn from them, enjoy their distinct personalities. Once you lose the “single” status, your sphere of friends narrows — and rightfully so, as you commit your time more to one person. While we recognize the validity of the commitments we have made as a couple, Mike and I have both expressed at different times how we sometimes miss being able to be with all our friends. (We both were ones who embraced our singleness with zest and zeal, and made a lot of friends in the process.) There is a unique joy of friendship that comes when you are single!
When Paul say in 1 Corinthians 7:33 that the married are concerned with the things of the world, I don’t think he was speaking with judgment, implying that people shouldn’t marry – how many times I wrestled with that fear as a single! I think he was saying life was more demanding in some ways, taking away from your time and availability to serve undistractedly. There's something to that! As a couple, you are consulting with another person over decisions to be made, dreaming about the future, yet involving another person’s dreams too, sharing your whole life, every part of you, with another person. That is a challenging way to live indeed, and I haven’t even lived it fully yet!
I recognize that it is easy for me to stand here, “on the other side” so-to-speak, and urge singles to not lose heart in their singleness. Yet, hear me out: I am not so far from that season of my life that I have forgotten how hard it is to watch all your friends get married off and still be single and alone yourself.
It is hard.
But every season has its share of difficulties. Perhaps the perspective we need to have, regardless of our status, is that we are all on the same path, the same trajectory. We are all on the path of sanctification, and that just means God uses a variety of means to teach us and grow us in godliness.
To wrap this up, let me say this, I am thankful for my singleness, and there are invaluable attributes to the single life that I will no longer experience as a married woman. Here are some tidbits of what I learned in my singleness:
• To understand my place in the body of Christ, exploring various opportunities to better discern my gifts and talents, and how I can best to serve the body of Christ.
• To find my voice, establishing life values, priorities, and passions that I will carry with me the rest of my life – single, married, or widowed.
• To make the most of every opportunity, discovering how every circumstance is a chance to grow, serve, and love.
• To build life-long habits in my life, learning that truth never loses its potency, that spending time in the presence of God, in His Word and in prayer, is the key to persevering.
• To find out that my status in life does not define me — Christ does. Whether I am single, or married. I wish I had learned that more as a single!
From the other side of the fence, it is clear to me that nothing lasts forever in life, that we’re all headed towards eternity, and how we live now influences “the rest of our lives” yet to come, and never to end. God is the only lasting One. And in this way, His truth and commands apply equally to all stages of life.
It’s not ultimately about singleness or marriage – it’s about how you live life regardless of your circumstances. Is that not the teaching of 1 Corinthians 7?
“Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.”
For the last eight years, I have pondered, and occasionally day-dreamed about what it would be like to “finally” get married. The face of the groom was always blank, of course, and I certainly was not one of those women who spent all her spare time as a single planning her wedding. Yet a significant part of my vision for my future included marriage and a family. Call me traditional, call me a woman, I have not escaped believing that marriage would be my lot for “the rest of my life.” And it's not abnormal, I think. Marriage is assumed as a child, questioned as a single, and promised as a betrothed—and I have not escaped this cycle. As I stand on the brink of my wedding day, I want to take the time to acknowledge the significance of my single life—lest I forget in the future and take it for granted that God has blessed me with marriage for my future, lest I forget to know how to encourage singles, some of whom may someday be my own children, as God blesses.
Perhaps a month or two before Mike and I began dating, I endeavored to pen the lessons I had learned as a single into a book. I talked openly about it. “I’m going to write a book about being a Christian single.” Was this youthful zeal? Or arrogance, thinking I had “learned all there was to know about surviving singlehood”? Perhaps. The “book” lies unfinished even now. Yet, God’s timing couldn’t have been more impeccable, bringing Mike into my life before I had a chance to even pen a chapter. I had learned what God wanted me to learn as a single. It was time to move on to a new chapter of life!
All the same, what I learned as a single was formative—and therefore noteworthy if only for this reason: who I was then as a single is in many ways still who I am today, now engaged, and almost married. Yes, I have changed, yes, single life is different from the life I’m living now, yes, there are ways I have grown since being a single, but the point is, my life is on a constant trajectory of growth, to which every season of life informs and contributes. This is perhaps the truth that finally dislodged marriage from its idolatrous pedestal in my heart and mind, making room in my heart for a healthier, godlier approach—just in time for Mike to enter center-stage. =)
So, what is it that I don’t want to forget about being single?
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:32, “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” How true this is! As a single, you have availability that truly serves and ministers to the married and those with families in the Body of Christ. I even feel that now in my wedding planning: “who are the singles who I know will have the time to help me out?”
But it is not just about serving. It is about relationships. As a single, you have an opportunity to get to know so many people in the Body of Christ, learn from them, enjoy their distinct personalities. Once you lose the “single” status, your sphere of friends narrows — and rightfully so, as you commit your time more to one person. While we recognize the validity of the commitments we have made as a couple, Mike and I have both expressed at different times how we sometimes miss being able to be with all our friends. (We both were ones who embraced our singleness with zest and zeal, and made a lot of friends in the process.) There is a unique joy of friendship that comes when you are single!
When Paul say in 1 Corinthians 7:33 that the married are concerned with the things of the world, I don’t think he was speaking with judgment, implying that people shouldn’t marry – how many times I wrestled with that fear as a single! I think he was saying life was more demanding in some ways, taking away from your time and availability to serve undistractedly. There's something to that! As a couple, you are consulting with another person over decisions to be made, dreaming about the future, yet involving another person’s dreams too, sharing your whole life, every part of you, with another person. That is a challenging way to live indeed, and I haven’t even lived it fully yet!
I recognize that it is easy for me to stand here, “on the other side” so-to-speak, and urge singles to not lose heart in their singleness. Yet, hear me out: I am not so far from that season of my life that I have forgotten how hard it is to watch all your friends get married off and still be single and alone yourself.
It is hard.
But every season has its share of difficulties. Perhaps the perspective we need to have, regardless of our status, is that we are all on the same path, the same trajectory. We are all on the path of sanctification, and that just means God uses a variety of means to teach us and grow us in godliness.
To wrap this up, let me say this, I am thankful for my singleness, and there are invaluable attributes to the single life that I will no longer experience as a married woman. Here are some tidbits of what I learned in my singleness:
• To understand my place in the body of Christ, exploring various opportunities to better discern my gifts and talents, and how I can best to serve the body of Christ.
• To find my voice, establishing life values, priorities, and passions that I will carry with me the rest of my life – single, married, or widowed.
• To make the most of every opportunity, discovering how every circumstance is a chance to grow, serve, and love.
• To build life-long habits in my life, learning that truth never loses its potency, that spending time in the presence of God, in His Word and in prayer, is the key to persevering.
• To find out that my status in life does not define me — Christ does. Whether I am single, or married. I wish I had learned that more as a single!
From the other side of the fence, it is clear to me that nothing lasts forever in life, that we’re all headed towards eternity, and how we live now influences “the rest of our lives” yet to come, and never to end. God is the only lasting One. And in this way, His truth and commands apply equally to all stages of life.
It’s not ultimately about singleness or marriage – it’s about how you live life regardless of your circumstances. Is that not the teaching of 1 Corinthians 7?
“Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
